Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Superman - Man of Steel. 0.5MT

Superman is an idiot. There he is with Zod, who's telling him they can take over Earth and repopulate it with Kryptonians after a spot of terraforming. Now Superman has gone soft on mankind, having been raised on Earth, where the local conditions make him faster and stronger than regular folk. But he also has a love for is own people. What does he do? He says to Hell with this spaceship full of Kyptofetuses, I'm throwing my lot in with a race of beings so stupid they can't even look after their own planet properly. People so dumb they don't wear seat belts. People with scant regard for other lifeforms, and certainly not Superman's. Why would he do that?

If it were me, I'd say to Zod: "Zod, me old China, I like your plan, but may I suggest a slight improvement. Let's not terraform Earth into a barren wasteland. Let's repopulate anyway and, with the current conditions, we Kryptonians will all have super powers. We will be able to rule over these imbecilic Earthlings like gods. Where's the downside?" Cue the champagne, a quick montage, and roll credits.

Seriously, where is the downside? The Kryptonians survive, Earth survives, and mankind survives. True, as slaves, but aren't we already slaves to the 0.1% of the population with super wealth?

The other bugbear I have is Kal El's fight (calling him Superman at this point just doesn't feel right) with Zod. Zod is a professional soldier. A trained killer. Kal El is a hippy. And yet he wins in hand-to-hand combat. (While somehow stopping Zod moving his eyeballs a millimetre or so to fry a cowering family. Holding a guy's head won't stop his eyes from moving in their sockets!) So that's pretty dumb.

Superman as a concept is pretty dumb, if you ask me. Where's the challenge? He is this unstoppable being from outer space with godlike powers who imposes his will and his farm-grown morality on the people. But he's like Wolverine in that, no matter what, you know he'll be ok unless someone pulls out some kryptonite/magics away his regeneration power. Hence there is no suspense and the stories necessarily depend on minor characters, who are invariably stupid. So they can reboot it all they like, it'll always be the same.

Unless they cast Superman as the bad guy...

0.5 Money Trains. Not as good as Godzilla, no original thoughts in it.


No comments: