The best thing about Five Fingers is that you know within minutes that pretty boy Ryan Phillippe, (playing a kidnapped Dutch do-gooder, or possibly terrorist), is going to lose, count 'em, five fingers. And that's worth watching, right?
Yessir, seeing self-righteous political activists lose appendages is right up there with watching schoolgirl full contact rugby. Especially self-righteous political activists with appalling Dutch accents.
The film starts with Phillippes character (it was a while ago, I forget the name) and his older mate (played by Colm Meanie, or whatever the spelling is), getting kidnapped in Morocco by some terrorists and being accused by them of being a spy. "No no", cries Dutchie, "I'm on your side." "Oh yeah? Prove it! And check out these great secaturs and rusty hacksaw blades."
What follows is a painful interrogation (largely due to the accent!) between Phillippe and Laurence Fishburne's character.
This isn't a bad film, but it's not great. Definitely better than Matrix Reloaded, but not as good as Cliffhanger.
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Walk The Line & Beerfest
Just to prove I review good films, too, (even if it isn't as much fun):
Walk The Line, the Johnny Cash biopic, is really good, with excellent performance from Joachim Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon. It chronicles Cash's rise to fame, his drug abuse and collapse and his eventual getting it together with ... you know, that country music singer that Witherspoon plays. (Hey, I'm not a professional reviewer, Cash is the famous one, see the film to find out her name.) Anyway, the Cash we see is a pretty ugly character at times, but that suggests it's pretty accurate.
Beerfest is funny. From the same filmmakers as Super Troopers and Club Dread, this is low brow ridiculousness near its best. Two brothers stumble across the beer Olympics at Oktoberfest, have their family honour insulted, and vow to return the next year to win. They get a team together and train hard for 12 months at the time-honoured sport of drinking beer. (This film was actually inspired by the film makers getting caned in a boat race in the Gold Coast when touring Australia to promote Super Troopers.)
Walk The Line, the Johnny Cash biopic, is really good, with excellent performance from Joachim Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon. It chronicles Cash's rise to fame, his drug abuse and collapse and his eventual getting it together with ... you know, that country music singer that Witherspoon plays. (Hey, I'm not a professional reviewer, Cash is the famous one, see the film to find out her name.) Anyway, the Cash we see is a pretty ugly character at times, but that suggests it's pretty accurate.
Beerfest is funny. From the same filmmakers as Super Troopers and Club Dread, this is low brow ridiculousness near its best. Two brothers stumble across the beer Olympics at Oktoberfest, have their family honour insulted, and vow to return the next year to win. They get a team together and train hard for 12 months at the time-honoured sport of drinking beer. (This film was actually inspired by the film makers getting caned in a boat race in the Gold Coast when touring Australia to promote Super Troopers.)
Journey To The End Of The Night (0 Money Trains)
Oh.
My.
God.
I was in Karama buying illicit DVDs the other day. My dealer had been busted so I was trying out a new bloke - good prints, but a high price and a poor selection. I walked away with "Journey". I'd never heard of it, but it's got Brendan Fraser (playing Paul, a coked up pimp in Sao Paulo), Mos Def (a dishwasher turned drug courier called Wemba) and Scott Glenn (Paul's dad, also a pimp). So I think to myself: some good actors, promising story, I'll buy it.
Big mistake.
This film is so bad I'm thinking of inventing a new scale just for it. The big problem was that the actors forgot to act. Mos Def turned in his usual mumbling performance and was the stand out performer, but Scott Glenn looked like he was auditioning for the Kevin Costner - Keanu Reeves School of Performance Art, while Brendan Fraser seemingly confused "bad ass" with "bad".
Plot wise, this is one stupid film. When the pimping family's (sorry, I forget the surname) super athletic-looking drug courier dies of a heart attack while rooting a transvestite prostitute (why?), Dad (Glenn) has to find a replacement who can speak some African language so he can sell a suitcase full of Charlie. Enter Wemba (Def. Or is it Mos?) Meanwhile the dad's son, Paul (Fraser), plans to cut the old man out of the deal and abscond with the money and his dad's hot younger wife.
Naturally, things go wrong. Wemba gets mugged (by lazy muggers who forget to take his backpack full of cash) and can't report in, Paul gets in an unnecessary fight with the tranny hooker (coincidence, only), the vice squad shows up and wants a piece of the action, and oh yeah, Paul's doing his step mother.
There are too many stupid details that just aren't necessary, too many stupid side characters that don't add anything, a total lack of common sense from anyone in the film, and an ending
that just screams "I ran out of ideas, how about everyone pulls out a gun?" I think I understand now why I'd never heard of this film. A big Zero from me.
My.
God.
I was in Karama buying illicit DVDs the other day. My dealer had been busted so I was trying out a new bloke - good prints, but a high price and a poor selection. I walked away with "Journey". I'd never heard of it, but it's got Brendan Fraser (playing Paul, a coked up pimp in Sao Paulo), Mos Def (a dishwasher turned drug courier called Wemba) and Scott Glenn (Paul's dad, also a pimp). So I think to myself: some good actors, promising story, I'll buy it.
Big mistake.
This film is so bad I'm thinking of inventing a new scale just for it. The big problem was that the actors forgot to act. Mos Def turned in his usual mumbling performance and was the stand out performer, but Scott Glenn looked like he was auditioning for the Kevin Costner - Keanu Reeves School of Performance Art, while Brendan Fraser seemingly confused "bad ass" with "bad".
Plot wise, this is one stupid film. When the pimping family's (sorry, I forget the surname) super athletic-looking drug courier dies of a heart attack while rooting a transvestite prostitute (why?), Dad (Glenn) has to find a replacement who can speak some African language so he can sell a suitcase full of Charlie. Enter Wemba (Def. Or is it Mos?) Meanwhile the dad's son, Paul (Fraser), plans to cut the old man out of the deal and abscond with the money and his dad's hot younger wife.
Naturally, things go wrong. Wemba gets mugged (by lazy muggers who forget to take his backpack full of cash) and can't report in, Paul gets in an unnecessary fight with the tranny hooker (coincidence, only), the vice squad shows up and wants a piece of the action, and oh yeah, Paul's doing his step mother.
There are too many stupid details that just aren't necessary, too many stupid side characters that don't add anything, a total lack of common sense from anyone in the film, and an ending
that just screams "I ran out of ideas, how about everyone pulls out a gun?" I think I understand now why I'd never heard of this film. A big Zero from me.
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