I am just back from Age of Ultron at the cinema. Honestly, I wouldn't have picked it to see, but my wife's friend recommended it, so she bought tickets this afternoon, saying she thought I'd prefer superheroes to Pitch Perfect 2.
Wrong, it turns out. I'd've preferred most films to this steaming pile of crap. In fact, it is one of the few films I've ever wanted to walk out of, along with Really Bad Things, the second Matrix movie (also here) and, of course, Inglourious Basterds (and here). If it wasn't so loud, I would've asked my wife if she also wanted to leave, and I would have heard the answer "yes please!" But it was too loud. She managed to fall asleep though, and I would have had I been able to get comfortable.
Let's break it down:
Age of Ultron has a very bare plot. Basically, man invents artificial intelligence, new sentient being (Ultron in this case) realises people suck and decides to destroy them, then the people, whose intelligence compared to Ultron is as a jelly fish compared to a man, go out to kill it so they can continue on their own path to doom. How many times have we heard it before? Terminator springs to mind. As does Eagle Eye, and many, many others.
There's a part-way interesting subplot about Natasha Badinov (?)... Romanov (?)... the hot chick... being keen on Bruce Banner, but that doesn't get a lot of air time with all the fighting. Check it out. Not a lot of room to discuss something interesting:
Opening: big fight with the bad guys from previous movies.
Party scene and creation of Ultron. Some flirting between Natasha and Bruce.
Fight with Ultron and minions
Short segue to another fight where the Avengers get mind-messed by an Olsen twin
Big fight between Iron Man and Hulk because... Joss Whedon wanted them to kill countless civilians between them, I guess.
Random farm holiday to chop wood. No jokes. Natasha puts the moves on Bruce.
Fight with Ultron and minions.
Possibly a segue scene? I might have been looking at the ceiling. It was pretty forgettable.
Big fight with Ulton and minions. Avengers win.
End scene to wave goodbye to the actors who realise that this franchise is played out.
Roll credits
Mystery scene from upcoming film or something.
Check wallet, discover that yes, you did pay a lot of money to Hollywood for zero gratification.
Apart from the plot, the acting was nothing special. Characters were wholly undeveloped. The fights were tedious and all done on a computer. It was just crap.
God this movie sucks balls.
I love a good superhero movie. Batman was great (a couple of times). The Fantastic Four were fun. The Flash on TV is alright, too. But when that's all there is, it's too much. (Especially when the series keep getting rebooted, like Spiderman. It's not like their aren't 53 years of stories to draw on. Better redo the origin story again, but with more fights!) Age of Ultron was a stupid step too stupid far. It sucks. It could even be the film where the superhero movie genre jump the shark. That would be a shame because there are some good stories out there in the comics which could make good films. The new Miss Marvel, for example. But this was total dross. As if Joss Whedon was channelling (recent career) George Lucas and Nicolas Cage at the same time.
I'm going to score it -2.0 Money Trains.
It wasn't as bad as Animal Kingdom, but it was worse than the Interpreter, both of which scored -2.0 MT. (I probably need to adjust the scale...) God, it sucked.
Wrong, it turns out. I'd've preferred most films to this steaming pile of crap. In fact, it is one of the few films I've ever wanted to walk out of, along with Really Bad Things, the second Matrix movie (also here) and, of course, Inglourious Basterds (and here). If it wasn't so loud, I would've asked my wife if she also wanted to leave, and I would have heard the answer "yes please!" But it was too loud. She managed to fall asleep though, and I would have had I been able to get comfortable.
Let's break it down:
Age of Ultron has a very bare plot. Basically, man invents artificial intelligence, new sentient being (Ultron in this case) realises people suck and decides to destroy them, then the people, whose intelligence compared to Ultron is as a jelly fish compared to a man, go out to kill it so they can continue on their own path to doom. How many times have we heard it before? Terminator springs to mind. As does Eagle Eye, and many, many others.
There's a part-way interesting subplot about Natasha Badinov (?)... Romanov (?)... the hot chick... being keen on Bruce Banner, but that doesn't get a lot of air time with all the fighting. Check it out. Not a lot of room to discuss something interesting:
Opening: big fight with the bad guys from previous movies.
Party scene and creation of Ultron. Some flirting between Natasha and Bruce.
Fight with Ultron and minions
Short segue to another fight where the Avengers get mind-messed by an Olsen twin
Big fight between Iron Man and Hulk because... Joss Whedon wanted them to kill countless civilians between them, I guess.
Random farm holiday to chop wood. No jokes. Natasha puts the moves on Bruce.
Fight with Ultron and minions.
Possibly a segue scene? I might have been looking at the ceiling. It was pretty forgettable.
Big fight with Ulton and minions. Avengers win.
End scene to wave goodbye to the actors who realise that this franchise is played out.
Roll credits
Mystery scene from upcoming film or something.
Check wallet, discover that yes, you did pay a lot of money to Hollywood for zero gratification.
Apart from the plot, the acting was nothing special. Characters were wholly undeveloped. The fights were tedious and all done on a computer. It was just crap.
God this movie sucks balls.
I love a good superhero movie. Batman was great (a couple of times). The Fantastic Four were fun. The Flash on TV is alright, too. But when that's all there is, it's too much. (Especially when the series keep getting rebooted, like Spiderman. It's not like their aren't 53 years of stories to draw on. Better redo the origin story again, but with more fights!) Age of Ultron was a stupid step too stupid far. It sucks. It could even be the film where the superhero movie genre jump the shark. That would be a shame because there are some good stories out there in the comics which could make good films. The new Miss Marvel, for example. But this was total dross. As if Joss Whedon was channelling (recent career) George Lucas and Nicolas Cage at the same time.
I'm going to score it -2.0 Money Trains.
It wasn't as bad as Animal Kingdom, but it was worse than the Interpreter, both of which scored -2.0 MT. (I probably need to adjust the scale...) God, it sucked.
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