If any doubt remained about the film making ability of Guy Ritchie, then Rockandrolla (Rockanrolla?) dispels it forever: Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrells was either stolen or a total fluke and Guy Ritchie has no talent whatsoever.
Once again, here is a film about London gansters who get caught up in an intricate situation with lots of murder, violence, rhyming slang and characters drawn worse than a Scoobee Doo villain. (And named worse, too: One Two; Tank and others so bad I forget, but probably along the lines of Fingers, Septic, Bacon, and Pink Eye Johnny. Speaking of pink eye, see Knocked Up: great film!!)
The plot... well, I'm not sure there is one. Something about a stolen painting, with a subploit of ripping off Russian mafia, with another subplot of gay best friend, with another subplot of errant step son and another subplot of love interest. As usual, Ritchie tried to tie these together in such a way as to be "clever" but makes more of a mess with it than he did with Snatch, and so ties it together in such a way as to be "stupid", "unlikely", "ridiculous", "frankly annoying" and just plain "dumb".
In the end, Tom Wilkinson's villain gets his just desserts (earned for overacting worse than an Italian footballer); Thandy Newton's double crossing femme fatale has something bad happen to her (I was on a plane so that bit was cut); and the "heroes"; bad actors one and all... you know, I don't even remember what happened to them. They probably got shot or got away or something. Don't really care.
This film is APPALLING - do not watch it. It isn't even funny drunk. Guy Ritchie is the Joe Dolce of cinema.
Zero Money Trains.
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