Alien Versus Predator: 1 MT
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
You know the plot, it's in the title. Everyone dies except the girl, like in so many disaster movies of late (except Deep Blue Sea). Black guys, the multi-millionaire funding the whole thing, the nerdy guy (Spud, from Trainspotting, in this case), the well-trained ex-millitary types, even the potential love interest. All dead. Hilarious film, great for a lazy weekend with the boys and a case of beer.
Death Race: 1 MT
Death Race is stupid. But it's meant to be. It never pretends to be anything but. The real mystery in it is why someone would remake a film with such a bad premise that sank into obscurity in the 70s. This will also sink into the obscurity that marks so many Jason Stratham films. It is, of course, about a race with a high mortality rate. Oh, and the usual thing with a future so bleak prisons are privately run money-making entertainment organisations. Like we haven't seen that before.
Pineapple Express: -3.5 MT
That's right, NEGATIVE 3.5. I had heard from several people that it was hilarious. And I'm not averse to stoner films: Dude, Where's My Car and the Harold and Kumar films have their moments. But for me, the best part of Pineapple Express, was going into the kitchen and doing the dishes. I didn't finish watching this pile of crap and never will.
Transporter 3: 2 MT
This scores a little higher than Death Race because Jason Stratham does some fight scenes in it which are pretty good, in that cartoon-violence, let's-only-attack-him-in-turn-so-he-can-deal-with-us-one-by-one kind of way. The plot is identical to the previous two: Frank (Stratham) has to drive someone from point A to point B, but it's not that easy. Luckily, he doesn't mess up his suit. (If he's so hung up on keeping his suit fresh, why does he wear his jacket driving?)
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