Snakes On A Plane (0 Money Trains)

It's true: you don't need to see this film to know what's going to happen. Deadly snakes get loose on a plane, countless people die, including both pilots, and the audience laughs its arse off, while the heroes think of ways to kill said snakes. And yes, you know that these ways will include fire, fire-extinguishers and plane depressurisation.

But these aren't any old snakes, they're super-deadly, angry snakes that can climb anything and kill people instantly with a single bite. Unless it's a small child that gets bitten, in which case he'll survive long enough to have someone cut the wound and suck out the poison, never mind that that's a guaranteed way to introduce venom, that's almost cerainly in the lymphatic system, into the bloodstream. No one, not a single person, gets a snake wound strapped and immobillised.

And of course it's not your regular plane with four levels of redundancy: oh no, one rogue snake in the electrical switchboard will cut the avionics on this baby and the lights will go out for the duration. And, of course, physics doesn't play a major role: tail winds don't matter if you say they don't, and rapid depressurisation doesn't result in boiling of liquids (eg, blood), freezing condensation in the cabin, or fatal thermal shock.

Snakes On A Plane was directed by David Ellis, who also did Cellular, so that should give you some idea. And if that doesn't, Samuel L Jackson is in it, too.

But why are they even on the plane, you ask? It's an assassination attempt using venomous snakes to top the witness for the prosecution. So why the 20 foot anaconda?