Blade (1.0 Money Train)

It's amazing what one will watch on TV in a foreign country. Take last night as an example when I watched Blade. Was it good? Would I buy it on DVD? Like hell! The main problems are the plot and acting. Subtler items such as cinematography, costumes, music, directorial style, etc, are simply not present in this genre of film, so let's get down to the nitpicking.

Okay, obviously it's a story and one has to suspend disbelief, as they say. Fine. But there's no reason to suspend logic. My big gripe relates to Karen's cure for vampirism:

Late onset vampirism is like sickle cell anemia, she says (ok) With pure bloods, it's part of their DNA (ok) So late onset vamps need gene therapy (Hey? You don't catch genetic disorders) And then she injects herself with some fluid and is cured. (Sure she means late onset is more like a virus, in which case injecting herself would work) Remarkably easy, even for someone as far gone on the road to vampirism as herself. Remember, at this time she had around a day to go until it was all over.

Okay, so that's just bad script writing, but the underlying ideas are sound (well, as sound as you get in a vampire flick with Wesley Snipes). The real killer is as follows:

Blade returns to the garage soon after to find Whistler lying around with a gaping neck wound, some bruises, but no other apparent injuries. It's too late for me, he cries, I'm too far gone. Give me your gun.

Too far gone for what? Not only was he an eyewitness of Karen's wonder-cure, but he was sitting beside all the stuff required to administer himself with said cure. Too far gone? Bulldust! He'd only just been bitten and was certainly no further gone than Karen when she cured herself. Other wounds, perhaps? There was none (other than cancer and a limp). And no-one can claim he was delusional from pain and forgot about the cure, because he was completely lucid when talking to Blade. In summary, Whistler was a tool who didn't need to die. Or maybe he did because he was such a tool.

Next, the blood god. If all the people in the world become vampires, what will the vampires eat? Didn't think of that, did you, Frost? Goose.

Finally, the acting was ... something else. It certainly wasn't acting. It was like watching a black Kevin Costner. Geez it was bad!

However, credit where it's due. Despite expectations, no-one in the film ever said "I've been bit!" They always said "bitten". Well done! For that it gets 1/5 on my Money Train scale. Hey, I just realised what both these films have in common, and it isn't Woody Harelson.

Score: 1.0 Money Train